bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
