I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did i walk over a car last night?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
