"it" just moved
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
