fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
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That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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