that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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