So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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