i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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