escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
