Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
