Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
