dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
