you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
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