ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
