I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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