Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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