a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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