Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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