remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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