Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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