dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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