i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
