plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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