I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
