Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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