I need help removing her.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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