What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
