it was like his penis was on wheels.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
