I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
