in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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