dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
