hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
