Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
do nipples grow back?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
