I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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