i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
