it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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