he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
