Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
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Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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