So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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