Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Girls should come with a carfax report
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
