I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
