Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
