I looked at my own cervix.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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