Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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