Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
