Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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