He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
