I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
