Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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