i would punch a child for taco bell
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
