I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
