"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
