Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
whose parrot is this?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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