I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
