my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
