hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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