when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
