guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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