Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
