if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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