Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
