Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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