I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
