It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
