Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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