Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
