she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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