The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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