I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
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You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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