He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
