My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize