apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
