did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
