Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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