my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
