what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize