all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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