Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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