And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I faked an abortion last night.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
