Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
