apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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