I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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