I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
