Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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