I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
