He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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