Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
