I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
