She's JV to your varsity
I just pynch a tree in the face
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize