so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
