WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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